The Psychology of Stalling | With Amy Berger

There are a lot of reasons why we eat, and not just food, why we either do or do not do certain actions or sort of lifestyle practices that we know might help with fat loss or just overall health. Whether that’s something like exercise or just spending time in the fresh air doing active things for stress relief, all different things that contribute either to fat loss or overall well-being. There are a lot of reasons why we either do or do not do some of these things, even when we know they would help us.For the people who are struggling with eating for reasons other than actual physical hunger or having trouble instituting some of these other practices or stopping some of the other practices you might be into, the first thing to know is that you are not alone. Everyone thinks that everyone else has this all figured out and everyone else has learned to just eat when they’re hungry and stop at the minute that they’re perfectly satisfied. No one else ever just keeps eating a little too much every time or reaches for food when they’re bored, lonely, tired, stressed out, or sad. We all do it, we all do it. It’s a very human thing, but it can get in the way of losing fat on keto if that’s your main goal. There are other things in your mind that are getting in the way of your dietary practices that can definitely interfere with trying to lose that fat.

Do you have advice for people battling with emotional eating?

The first thing I want to mention is that I think there are a lot of people, women especially, but I think this can affect men too, where sometimes we think it’s emotional eating or we think it’s a binge when the fact is, you are genuinely hungry. Especially in the keto world, we’ve been conditioned that you have to fast. You’re only supposed to have one meal a day or two meals a day or you’re only supposed to have x amount of protein. There seem to be so many restrictions and limitations on what you’re supposed to do that if you’re doing that, you might actually end up really, really hungry by the end of the day. You think you’re emotionally eating because you’re following all the rules yet you’re still hungry, so you’re eating. If you are actually hungry, that’s not emotional eating. I want people to really think about that. Are you reaching for food when you’re not hungry or are you actually hungry and it’s perfectly reasonable for you to be eating something else? Beyond that, emotional eating is sometimes purely in our mind, so to speak, but sometimes it is physiological. There is a mind-body connection. We have a friend, psychiatrist Dr. Georgia Ede. She jokes, but it’s not really a joke that your mind is fed to your body. It’s part of your body, so things that go on affect your mind, and what goes on in your mind, all of the hormones that signal appetite, signal satiety or satiation, that signal hunger. If you are facing certain emotions, it’s not out of the realm of possibility that it is instilling an actual hunger, a drive to eat that may not be truly physical, but you might feel it that way. It might manifest that way.

What about habitual eating? We’ve been taught from a young age to eat three square meals a day and eat everything on our plates. This can cause potential problems as well.

Most of us, not all, most of us have been fortunate enough to grow up most of our lives in an environment where there’s food everywhere, all the time. We’ve never had to go hungry by force because we couldn’t afford food or it wasn’t available. Some of us may have been in that position, but for the most part, we don’t know what it’s like to not have food available anytime we want it, in any location. Especially in the U.S., you can go to the shoe store and they sell food at the checkout. You can go to the electronics store and there’s candy at the checkout.Many of us also grew up thinking that that’s normal and that we are supposed to eat multiple times a day, like you said, finish everything on your plate, and should we be wasting food? No, but if you took a little too much, you don’t have to finish it. You could wrap it up in a little container and put it away for later. There’s nothing bad about leaving food on your plate. Especially in the keto world when you’re off that blood sugar roller coaster, your appetite tends to be well-controlled so that you don’t feel the need for three meals a day. If you’re only hungry for one or two meals a day, that’s perfectly fine. There’s nothing whatsoever about human physiology or digestion that requires breakfast, lunch, and dinner with snacks in between. That’s entirely made up. You should listen to your body. As our esteemed colleague, Dr. Westman is always saying, let your body tell you when to eat, not an app or a spreadsheet or a timer. There’s no precise number of meals that you need to eat every day. The problem is that so many of us don’t know when we’re hungry and when we’re full. Keto helps that because, again, once you’re off that crazy ride of the blood sugar wild ups and downs, you can more reliably trust the signals that your body’s giving you when you’re hungry and when you’re not hungry.
So many of us are used to eating all day long, around the clock, for reasons totally other than hunger. It’s very easy to say, “Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re satisfied,” but it’s very difficult to do sometimes.

That’s really a socio-cultural thing. If it’s a good enough friend and depending on the circumstances, you might be able to have the conversation beforehand where you say, “Hey lately I’ve been eating a really low-carb diet, I find I feel best, it’s really working for me, and my doctor approves. What do you plan to make? Can we either make it something that would be good or can I bring something, please?” That’s always a good way if you offer to bring a dish for everybody. If you’re going out, to a restaurant or a pub, or a bar, the possibilities are endless because if you’re ordering your own food, you can order whatever you want that’s suitable for you. That’s a matter of just being diplomatic and respectful among your friends. You would hope that they’re respectful to you, where nobody cares what you eat. You’re there for the conversation, you’re there for the friendship and fellowship. If people are commenting, I think the best way to navigate that is to just be polite, be calm, and say, “I noticed that when I don’t eat sugar and starch, I just feel so much better. I don’t have any heartburn when I eat this way, my skin cleared up, and my joint pain went away” or “My doctor recommended this because my blood sugar was starting to creep up.” Who’s going to argue with that? Rather than going on the defensive and saying, “Don’t you know that sugar is bad for you?” or “Why are you eating that?”, don’t comment negatively on anyone else’s food. Just calmly explain your choice. If you don’t attack anyone else’s food choices, they will be less inclined to be negative toward yours.